“A teething baby is so much fun”…no mother on the face of this earth has ever uttered those words. His top teeth are coming in which should make life a little more interesting. My adorable baby boy is being replaced by a blood thirsty, tiny sociopath with a hunger for human flesh. Have kids they said, it’ll be fun they said. Before having Z all I got from people about parenting was “your life will change forever”….no fucking shit. I love being a mom and I think I’m a pretty dope ass mom but there are days when I wish someone would’ve told me that my sons shit could end up in my mouth or in my hair. So this is me telling you it could happen and here’s the kicker…you won’t give a damn. You’ll chase the taste with coffee and try to make the “new do” look like a chic Ombre messy bun. Your lacking of giving a f*** will stem from all those times you gave a f***. So when little Johnny flips off Miss Mary at Mass don’t respond with panic or fear that your child has sealed his fate for a one way trip to Hell. Just smile and give Miss Mary a wave. She most likely deserved that bird. Now I’m not saying to condone bad behavior, if you need to take a trip to the bathroom for behavior modification exercises then by all means do so. What I am saying is don’t make a big deal out of the small stuff, you’re essentially just a set of bumpers attempting to keep the kid on the straight and narrow. Oh! and children smell fear so if you panic not only will Johnny be double fisting the bird to the entire congregation he might give creative instruction on how to utilize the bird. That was my PSA for the day. Now on to addressing the teething situation. I have been given lots of advice on how to ease the pain and trauma of teething. It involves lots of alcohol and a few Amazon purchases which should arrive today. I will consume the libations and test the ” all natural teething cure” on my emotionally unstable human then write a review for those of you who might care. Until then, stay weird my friends.
If you have a teething potion you think I should test out let me know! It takes a village.
With much love and gratitude.